A Dozen Shards Of Raven
by Myev
Summary: Herein lies some of my older work, written for a 15 minute Teen Titans fanfiction community I no longer frequent.  They are to a one short, unpolished experiments and I hope you can forgive them that.  A dozen fragments of the Darkest Titan.
1. Rain

I do not own Teen Titans or anything else that might be mentioned in the following drabbles, just some free time and a trove of old work gathering digital dust on my hard drive.

Herein lies some of my older work, written for a 15 minute Teen Titans fanfiction community I no longer frequent. They are to a one short, unpolished experiments and I hope you can forgive them that. Still, in them I feel there is something worth saving and sharing, and so you find them here.

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Rain.

It was raining outside, the thunder drowning out everything outside of her room. Periodic flashes of light broke the darkness that permeated her chambers only to have the shadows creep in once more.

She liked the rain. She liked it more than silence. Within silence there was always noise, millions of distracting thoughts and ideas. But rain was beautiful white noise, cutting her off from the rest of the world, from all her worries and fears, from everyone she would hurt. She could feel at peace within a storm, which, she mused, might explain her continued drive to fight.

She fought to save people, of course, but that wasn't the only reason. She knew it was pointless to protect something she would ultimately destroy, even if it did ease the suffocating weight of guilt on her shoulders. She fought to lose herself, to find her center within the storm of intentions and emotions that conflict created.

How ironic that the time she was least in control of her power was the time when she was closest to the team. The endless waiting between battles, filled with restless silence and Beast Boy's never-ending practical jokes made her lose her focus. The longer she had to wait between fights, the more she felt herself slipping.

And it scared her.

So she enjoyed what respite she could get between missions, escaping to her room if the silence became too much. Always meditating.

Always saying the same three words, to drown out the silence that smothered her soul.


	2. Confession

Silence.

Blissful, beautiful, utterly peaceful silence.

The common room was empty, and Raven was making the most of it. Hovering a few inches above her favourite couch, she let her mind go blank and calm flow through her psyche.

_Deep breath in…. hold… hold… and release. Deep breath in… hold… hold… hold…_ Her breath escaped her in an irritated hiss as she felt a familiar sprightly presence enter her domain. She cracked an eye open to glare at the changeling sitting next to her on the couch.

"So a nun, a baker and a hobo walk into a bar-"

She rolled her eyes as he launched right into one of his jokes. He'd been on her case more than usual the past few weeks, and was driving her to distraction whenever she had a quiet moment. He seemed to be taking it as a new type of game: 'How Far Can I Push Raven'.

She was not amused.

Having failed to get a response from the brooding girl next to him, Beast Boy changed tactics.

"Hey Rae, wanna come down to the park with us? We'll play some games, get some sun, y'know have some fun!"

"I don't do 'fun'." She stated flipping up her hood, hoping to scare him off with her cold tone.

"Awww, c'mon, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease? Just for a little while… or just a game of tag or something…. How about just a minute outside…. just a toe out of the tower?" The Titan pleaded to what may as well have been a wall in a cloak.

His resolve strengthened suddenly: he had an idea.

"C'mon Raven, I'm not leaving here without you. I'm gonna keep bugging you until you come out!" He announced cheerfully, and then set about doing just that.

Raven grew irritated beyond her breaking point, and decided to abandon the common room for her own lockable sanctuary.

She walked purposefully down the corridors of the Tower, tuning out the green menace that followed her every move. His distractions became more desperate as they approached her room, and he finally fell silent just outside her door. Curious at the change, Raven turned to face him and was surprised to see a serious expression on the joker.

"Raven, why don't you let us in? Why can't you let yourself laugh, or have fun? Why do you lock yourself up in your room? We're friends, aren't we? So why can't you ever act like it?!" He was shocked at the strength in his voice, and his cold words, but bit it down and waited for a reply. He tried to read her shadowed face but it was as infuriatingly expressionless as always.

"You want to know why?" She asked in her typical calm monotone, sounding almost flippant. "Alright, I confess. I'm a horrible demon-child who will kill all of you in your sleep. I'll destroy the world and slaughter everyone in it, lighting the sky on fire in an everlasting crimson twilight."

She stared back at him, calm mask revealing nothing. His expression, though, was easily read.

He was angry. Angrier than he had ever been. His face took on an unpleasant snarl as he bit out his words, not caring to soften them.

"Can't you be serious for a second?! This is important, and I thought you knew that. But no, you have to joke around! I'm serious Raven! Can't you give the 'heart of ice' act a rest for a moment and tell me what the fuck your problem is?!"

He'd gone too far, and he knew it the second she turned to her room and opened the door. He struggled to rein in his temper as the door slid shut, keeping himself from going in after her. The lock thundered its finality down the hallway. He turned to enter his own room; somehow he wasn't much in the mood for fun.


	3. Prisoner

He was worried about his team.

Robin reminded himself as he walked through the darkened cavern, trying to classify the anxiety welling up inside him. Terra's betrayal had shaken them all, but two in particular seemed to have been most affected. One of them, Beast Boy, was obvious in his pain, and was quite understandable in it. He'd been the closest one to Terra after all. It was the second that surprised the Boy Wonder.

Raven had barely spoken to them since her encounter with the earth mover, and Robin had the distinct impression she was pulling back into herself. When they had regrouped in the underground cave after their defeats, the leader had drilled all of them individually on their battles, hoping to find something to use to plan out an effective counter-attack against Slade's new apprentice. They'd all told him what they knew readily enough, except their dark friend. Robin had been forced to push his authority as team leader to finally get her story. She seemed to have lasted the longest against their opponent, and had been finally taken down by psychological combat instead of physical, becoming enraged after Terra taunted her about actually trusting her.

'That's what did it.' He thought to himself, trying to piece together the puzzle that was Raven. 'She's a prisoner within her own mind, locking herself away from us to keep us safe from her powers. Her distance and walls are to keep others from breaking her cell, and only a trusted few are allowed to see her caged self. Terra gained that trust and betrayed it, using the weaknesses she'd seen within Raven to take her down on the inside. No wonder she's withdrawing! She hates being weak or manipulated and both had happened in that breach of trust. She thinks the only way to keep that from happening again is cutting us all off - she's just going to hurt herself more if she isolates herself-' He sighed, pausing and changing the direction of his wanderings, following the meditative chant echoing through the stone corridors. 'Time for another pep-talk.'


	4. Delicate

She struggled to restrain her tears, mentally refusing to let herself cry for anything, most of all a broken heart. She had to keep her center, had to keep control, but her balance was so delicate that soon she was sobbing into her pillow, hoping to at least dampen the sound to keep others from hearing her weakness.

She hated being weak, more than anything. She had to be strong to keep her emotions in check, to keep herself isolated from everyone, to keep the apocalypse at bay.

She was so tired of being strong.

Her resolve was breaking; she could feel it, feel the breakdown come surging through her, seeking release. She clamped down hard on her despair with the remnants of her will, clinging to the tail of a dragon.

"Don't go there. Just don't go there." She muttered to herself between clenched teeth, forcing her pain down into an aching ball in her chest. Better to keep the pain within her, silently killing her day by day than have her father get out in a moment of weakness.

Or worse, having everyone find out just how fragile she really was.


	5. Missing

"Raven, I'm missing my favourite show!" Beast Boy whined while being bodily dragged up the stairs to the rooftop.

"I'm sure Zombie Attackers 4 will be on at six other times today, you can spare to miss one of them." Raven stated plainly, keeping her eyes forward.

"But stillllllllllllll! I'm missing the intro!"

"Can't you be quiet for one minute? I need to concentrate."

"What? Why? What would you need to…" Beast Boy's query trailed off as they arrived on the rooftop, which had been transformed into a jungle. Everywhere he looked there was green; plants growing on top of plants. A mist hung in the air, smelling like Africa and animal noises permeated the area.

"Happy Birthday." Raven's voice drifted through the air to the stunned boy. The changeling looked about in awe, then, without turning away from the splendor, quietly asked:

"How did…"

"I Know?" Beast Boy nodded weakly, still facing away. "Since you found out my birthday, Robin told me yours. Turnabout is fair play, after all. And as for all of this…" Raven gestured around at the complicated illusion, "You once mentioned having been to Africa, so I decided to give a little back." Having finished her explanation, the half demon waited for her companion's reaction, and was not disappointed. The boy turned to her with the most radiant smile she'd ever seen on his face, but there was something deeper, something in his eyes that hinted at something painful in his memories. This proved Raven's theory that there was more to the Joker, and she wanted to know what.

"Beast Boy?" She started softly, letting the illusion fade out as he turned his attention back to her. "What happened to your parents?" She saw it. A slight tensing of his jaw, she'd struck a nerve.

He was going to tell her. He was going to tell her everything that he hadn't told to anyone else. He was going to tell her everything… when the alarm rang. They gave each other an exasperated look then hurried down the stairs, all the while thinking 'maybe next time'.


	6. Dance

The door closed with a resounding thud, the girl leaning against it having momentarily lost the strength to stand.

_They didn't know anything. They were stupid, stupid, stupid for rambling on about festivities and tradition. They deserved everything that was coming!_

She shook her head, gritting her teeth in the effort to suppress Rage. She couldn't lose control, not now, not with the terrible results that were foretold. She gathered her strength and walked to her bed, slipping into meditation by sheer habit. She ventured inside herself, disturbed by the growing darkness within.

_I'm losing,_ she thought, then suppressed the surge of anger and grief at that admission. _No._ She cleared her mind of doubt.

She had to be strong. She had to be strong to have any chance against her fate. She had to be strong for her friends. She wondered vaguely whether she even cared about the rest of the world, but then cleared her mind of that too.

It didn't matter who she cared about or her reasons for it. All that mattered was that she was determined to keep the end of the world from coming, no matter the cost.

She let that thought bolster her as she let everything else go, sinking into the depths of her psyche. She returned to her dance of twilight and shadow.


	7. Miracle

Robin looked in the cell at the creature that had once been his friend, the familiar numbing cold spreading through his body.

Beast Boy had lost his fight with his Beast a month ago, losing himself to the bestial fury of his were-form. They had been able to contain him, to keep him from hurting himself as well as others and hoped for him to come back to himself.

And he did.

They had all hoped for a miracle, to be able to see his joking face again and the world delivered, but it had a sick sense of humor.

He had found her collapsed outside of the cell; Beast Boy lay inside, himself once more, sleeping soundly. He had had Cyborg move them to the medical room. Beast Boy woke first, and for an hour, everything was right in the world again. Then Raven woke up.

She was too far-gone. They could do nothing as she wasted away, refusing food to her insane mutterings. Her hair thinned and greyed, leaving a hollow shell where their vibrant, if quiet, comrade had been.

Beast Boy took it the hardest. Robin had suspected that the changeling harbored some feelings for the dark sorceress, and her slide into insanity had driven him to suicide.

They had found his body washed up 3 miles up-shore.

Starfire was next to go. He hated seeing her broken smile as she floated about in an imagined present. She spoke with hollow joy of events that hadn't happened, and people who were no longer there.

He sighed, fingering Cyborg's resignation as he glanced once more at the gibbering wreck in the corner. The Titans were finished.

The price of this miracle had been too much to pay.


	8. Sacrifice

"Why'd you do that?" Raven's measured voice broke the silence in the common room, startling Beast Boy out of his mental fog.

"Huh?" He articulately replied, returning his attention to the board in front of him.

He frowned. He'd finally been able to weasel Raven into playing a game, but he'd made the tactical error of letting her choose. Now he was facing the sorceress to a game of chess; a game in which he unfortunately held no boast-able titles.

"Why did you move out your bishop? I can kill it with my knight. You should have sacrificed your pawn," she explained, pointing out the pieces on the board. She was already visibly winning, her black pieces dominating the checkered tiles.

Beast boy fumbled for an excuse, not willing to admit poor skills in any game.

"Uhh… I didn't think that was right." Seeing her quizzical look, he elaborated. "See, I don't think it's right to just sacrifice a piece just 'cause it's weak. That's what the stronger pieces are for. To protect the weak." Having successfully pieced together an excuse, Beast Boy beamed at Raven. She shook her head, but couldn't dispel his goofy grin.

"That one piece isn't worth it. Because of that I can move here…" She moved her knight, "… and put you into checkmate. That one pawn killed your king, why shouldn't you sacrifice it?" At this, the changeling's grin faded into steeled seriousness.

"I'd rather lose than have to kill a friend." The look he gave her betrayed his secondary meaning. Covering up the sentimental moment, he bolted upright and stretched grinning wildly.

Despite what the pieces might say, he'd won.


	9. Heaven

Had it been my choice, I would've hung out a lot more, watched movies, played games and joined in on the sports

Had it been my choice, I would've smiled all day, and stayed up talking 'til late

Had it been my choice, I would've laughed when I was happy and cried when I was sad

Had it been my choice, I would've leaned on your shoulder more often

Had it been my choice, I would've danced in the rain and made forts in the night

Had it been my choice, I would've been afraid of the dark and wore my heart on my sleeve

Had it been my choice, I wouldn't have left you all right now

Had it been my choice, I would've gone to heaven, and not to hell.


	10. Mistake

It had been a big mistake.

I hadn't meant to launch the frying pan in her direction, really! I'd been arguing with Cyborg, and just got a little excited, that's all! And she'd been acting so dazed, she didn't hear my warning…

Still, it was pretty neat how it skimmed so neatly past her shoulder and vaporized the teacup in her hand – but she didn't need to freak out about it!

Well, she didn't _freak out_ freak out, but…. Well, she didn't freak out at all - which was freaky. She disappeared into her room without a word, leaving the kitchen smelling like herbal tea. I went to her door, to apologize, when I heard it. Well, not really _heard_, since it wasn't really a sound. It was the lack of sound, I think.

Usually when she storms off, she shuts herself off to meditate or sits and grumbles to herself for a while – not that I'd been stalking her or anything! These ears are for more than looking sexy.

Anyway, she was quiet, which shouldn't've worried me, but it did. So I… uh… 'accidentally' went into fly form and ended up in her room.

Honest.

She was looking sorta freaky, staring at her hands and shaking and stuff… I called her name, and she looked a little startled, like she didn't really know where she was. She said something about "the marks coming back" or something, then the next thing I knew - whumpf! She's clinging to me like I'm a life preserver.

Not that I minded… Not like that, ya pervert!

Anyway, she calmed down a bit, but I think something might be up.

Can you help me keep an eye on her, 'till we know for sure? Oh, and don't tell anyone else.

I don't think she'd like that.


	11. Desire

She'd been drinking tea almost constantly since the markings had appeared again, the hellish visions haunting her dreams making sleep almost impossible. Her body craved rest but she had no desire to see herself killing everyone again.

She'd decided to give up sleep.

Now she stood in the kitchen, nursing her most recent cup, glaring at her hands. So innocently pale once more.

She'd seen the sigils burning across her skin the night before. Had felt Slade's putrid breath blasting against the back of her neck. Had heard her father's resounding voice taunting her weakness while she fought her nightly battle for consciousness.

_There!_

Red.

Blazing, burning, blistering heat against her skin.

In her skin.

Panic surged through her, heartbeat thundering through her head as a frying pan flew over her shoulder. She didn't register the destruction of her teacup, only the terror choking her exhausted mind. Her desire to flee overcame her, and she found herself in her room.

Her sanctuary, full of dancing shadows and cackling demons just out of sight.

She collapsed onto the bed, shaking uncontrollably as fear tore through her fragile mental balance, tipping her towards a dark abyss of nothingness.

She felt herself fall, nothing surrounding her, nothing to hold on to, nothing to stop her.

Then-

-a voice-

-and light.

She lunged for the light, crushing it to herself, frightened sobbing fading to black.


	12. Comfort

Back then she would never have thought she would live so long, she mused while sifting through deteriorating memories. She turned her attention to the statues littered about the ruined streets; images of abject terror and agony painted onto the world. She no longer felt anything, for them or anything else.

When the end came she had given up her control, nothing precious left to protect from her raging emotions.

So she wept for her friends.

Raged at her father.

Despaired for herself.

Nearly went mad as the years ticked by, unending.

But somehow,

sometime,

she'd gone numb.

She wasn't sad, or angry or even lonely, though that was closest to it.

She simply _was_.

Stone eyes hidden behind a mask, a silent scream immortalized - how fitting it seemed now that she should be the only living thing left on the dead world when she had lived the least while it was still thriving. The remains of her friends left by her father to destroy her, ringing her in silent accusation. She looked on them dispassionately now, fleeting remembrances all that were left in the empty void.

_Ah, what comfort eternity can bring._


End file.
